I've been avoiding, resenting, and mostly just ignoring my novel, and what I need to do to get it done on time. Struggling with feeling that I've moved on artistically, stylistically, and conceptually from the intended outcome of this project. After the success of a couple marker/brush drawings, I felt a renewed energy to work on the novel, and my creativity was sparking again. I then turned my attention to the new quest of finding a cheaper, faster way to complete the novel, in a style that I was excited about. Through this exploration, I found myself feeling guilty about flying economy class with my skill, regardless of the excitement I felt toward the brush and marker effect (as well as my wish to get this whole thing done much faster). I've been struggling with the response I've gotten from my peers, friends and family- a resounding "We like the charcoal better!" My struggle has not been with thinking they're wrong for not liking the marker better, but that I want them to like the marker better, as an excuse to do so, and because it's easier and less demanding. In my gut I know that the charcoal is better, and I guess I've been afraid to face that.
So with enough sleep, several cups of tea, and a tasty breakfast, I sat down and faced this issue today and feel I was rewarded for my efforts. A (very slightly) more gritty style, charcoal drawn on bristol plate, as opposed to watercolor paper. Faster sketching, less blending. Continuing on with my year-old style, but with new eyes and deeper insight. It feels like the old look, takes me half the time, and is actually still cheaper (watercolor paper= $7 for 3 pages, bristol plate= $7 for 12 pages).
The second fear I have to face is the fact that I haven't drawn a single novel page since the middle of June... I have a LOT of ground to cover before the first 5 chapters are due at the end of May (the grant proposal/agreement). So now it's time to forgive myself, put my feel on the ground, and make some art. Here's the first of a few drawings in the new treatment, it's also a new study for an upcoming character that has yet to be introduced... "Abi."
